Long one!

This is going to be quite a big one seeing as there's been so much going on and I haven't done this for such a long time. It's going to be about Christmas, New Year,  Uni and of course, the boyfriend! :)

You all knew I was having a shit time at uni before Christmas and was so looking forward to going home. Seeing as I finished my essay a few days early, I managed to get dad to pick me up on the Weds, not the Friday which was really nice. At least I didn’t have to wait around doing nothing. Being at home was so nice but seeing as he was at home as well, there seemed to be so much distance between us which was so so bad. It made it seem much harder because we both knew that we couldn’t see each other for quite a while. We did speak about him coming to me for New Year’s Eve but he kept saying about how it’s normally a family event and he’s never missed one without getting a kiss from his mum. It felt horrible but I completely understood. Christmas was lovely, so good seeing all the family again but I knew I had to leave them again soon and uni seemed so ominous L In the end, he did come down for New Year’s Eve which was amazing!! I absolutely loved having him with me for such a long time, it made me so happy. I went up to London on the train to pick him up and as I was walking down the road to the Bus Station I got a text saying “I see you, I love your bag” from my gorgeous boyfriend and it felt so amazing to know that in only seconds, id have him back in my arms.

Although it was lovely to be able to stay with him, he was really ill and his cough sounded so bad. Bad enough that his mum was really worried about him and my mum even had to book him a Doctor’s appointment!! Poor guy had a chest infection and a sprained muscle in his side but it felt better knowing what was wrong. A week’s worth of anti-biotics and he’s as right as rain.

I was really worried that he would feel really awkward while I was at work on the last Saturday, it really didn’t help that I totally forgot my phone and he was joking that I was a cheat before. All day at work I was upset that I couldn’t text him on my break to make sure he was okay, and pissed off that he thought that. Halfway through I pulled myself together and thought that it was ridiculous that I was getting pissed off over a stupid joke but I’m like that. Stuff like that really gets to me. I’m an idiot really J but there was nothing to worry about. I finished work and expected him and my mum to be in the car but when I jumped in, he and my dad were laughing!! I couldn’t help but smile to myself for the fact that they seemed to be getting on. I loved it.

Another thing that made me know that I want to stay with him forever was the fact that whenever he went to make us tea, he would let my dogs out. I know that no one would understand this but it just showed that he cared about something to special to me. I never once asked him to let them into the garden but somehow he just knew. I know it sounds really weird but it meant more to me than anything else he could have done.

New Year’s was nice, I had a couple of friends round and we literally just sat round drinking and chatting. I was a bit apprehensive that again he’s find it awkward but after I force fed him shots, he joined in and everything was perfect. It always is with him. It felt so right to have him with me, to see him every time I walked into a room. Was really amazing.

Back to uni now and it made it so much easier to come back with him. I was totally dreading it but knowing I had him there to ease me back into it was really good. We really got comfortable being around each other but it felt a bit weird because we’d spent quite a bit time apart so the beginning of the week we were so romantic and loving and by the end of it, it got a bit less. Nothing to complain about but noticeable I think. Maybe it’s me being sensitive again!

Finally he had to leave for work which was really sad. Having to go back to my room and not seeing his smiling face sitting on the bed was horrible. I even got 2 mugs out the day after!! It’s horrible not having him here but we’ve sorted out when we see each other next. See you on the 1^st sweetie :D

And finally today. It’s safe to say that today has been one of the worst of my life. My ex texted me yesterday. Nothing shocking just “Hi how are you?” but I knew straight away that I should tell my boyfriend. He was totally fine with it and that was that but last night I was wondering if he had written anything about me blocking him from Facebook so I unblocked him quickly to have a snoop. Bloody Facebook doesn’t let you re-block someone for another 48 hours so I immediately regretted it and knew I would do it again as soon as possible. I also didn’t tell my boyfriend seeing as I didn’t think it was a big deal at all. If it had gone how I wanted it to, he would have been re-blocked within minutes but I couldn’t so he wasn’t. I went to bed not thinking any more of it but today I woke up to 1 text from my boyfriend and then nothing for hours. I got a bit worried seeing as he wasn’t texting me back and I didn’t realise anything was wrong but when he finally did text me back I got the full brunt of it. He went on my Facebook last night to see if the ex had written anything and obviously saw he had been unblocked and instead of asking  me about it, he stayed pissed off and spent a whole night and morning annoyed at me. I now completely understand that I should have told him about the unblocking but I can’t comprehend why he would rather stay pissed off than ask me. It upset me more than anything. He said that he had so many doubts in our relationship and I’ve got tears in my eyes even now talking about it. I know I can be a pretty crappy girlfriend sometimes but I love him more than anything in my life. It makes it worth living. When he said that, I had to rush to the bathroom and honestly, I was so violently sick that I thought I was going to pass out. Thinking about him breaking up with me makes me stop breathing. I hope we’ve worked everything out and I can promise beyond my life that I will never cause this to happen again. He seemed so set on breaking up and it broke my heart. I’m so sorry. I love you more than anything and I can’t imagine my life without you in it. I miss you so much.

So that’s it pretty much. I don’t blame you if you don’t read the whole thing. It’s so bloody long!!

New Year’s Resolutions:

1. Diet! (On everyone’s list)

2. Pay more attention at uni.

3. Keep stuff tidy!

4. Be a better girlfriend.

<3  <3  <3